In most games, Justice just outworks and out talents the opposition. But tonight, the team engaged in mental warfare, and in the process completely rattled the Zeebs on their way to a 7-2 victory. It was a simple process as Justice jumped out to a 6-0 first half lead thanks to two goals from mustache-less Dan Greene and Celine Dion super fan Joey Ameilia, as well as tallies from the reincarnation of Ray Bourque, Andrew Stewart, and team goon Caleb Merril. And as always, tendy Danny Neer put on a goaltending clinic, stopping the one shot against him that period. His instructional video will be available for purchase by Christmas. Keep checking Twitter for all the info. We might be raffling off a copy that comes with a tin autographed by Neer.
By the sixth goal, the Zeebs were at each other's throats. Their team captain was overheard yelling at his goalie after the fifth goal, "I'm not going to invite you to my birthday party." This caused the tendy to respond, "that's fine because I'm going to have a sick piñata that's filled with Natty Lights." Obviously, this put the captain over the edge. So, once the tendy allowed the sixth goal towards the end of the period, this transpired:
It was safe to say that at this point, Justice was in the Zeebs' heads. The game was practically over, and the opposition could no longer handle the Justice offense. So, to open up the second half, the Zebbs goalie responded in the only way he knew how:
Luckily for the Zeebs, Reid Kashmanian was unable to convert on his 49th breakaway of the game. If my calculations are correct, Captain Ka$h hasn't scored since the Carter administration. (For the love of God, Reid, get a new stick!)
With the Zeeb goalie not giving a crap, the Zeebs decided to take their super-frat anger out on each other:
As expected, Merrill wanted to get in on the action. So, towards the end of the game he picked a fight with the biggest, baddest, and frattiest guy on the Zeebs. It was a bloodbath:
The team has been playing its best hockey of late, having won three straight games heading into the playoffs. So, make sure to buy your playoff ticket packages ASAP! More info will be available on Twitter.
Discounts will be given to those who can complete all of the following tasks:
- Bench press more than Joe Gattuso
- Pick a fight with Wes Gerrie and win
- Find the Loch Ness Pronster (pictures needed)
- Teach Fleishmann 10 swear words in English
- Find three animals (dead or alive) in Neer's beard
- Say the word "eh" more than #JoeyEh over a 30 second conversation with him
- Challenge Reid to a drinking contest and win
- Have Stew give you a piggy back ride through Dineen Hall
- Take a picture of Danny G in the library
- Spell Pappy's last name correctly and then say it 10 times fast without messing up
- Set up a cage match between current goon Caleb Merrill and former goon Max Horowitz
- Create a shrine of Jeff Monahan in the atrium of Dineen Hall
See you all out there!
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